Blah! Blah! Blah!
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“To truly be committed to a life of honesty, love and discipline, we must be willing to commit ourselves to reality.” (John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You)
I happened on this quote a few days ago and it hit me like cold water just as it did the first time I read it years and years ago. I was reminded again of how I have used words all my life through my writing, speaking, conversations with family and friends and with myself in the privacy of my own mind to take a stab at understanding what life is really about.
It’s pretty much been a case of the ‘blah, blahs.’ It wasn’t until I grew up spiritually and emotionally in my 50s that I discovered the gift of silence, the importance of the pause (which I wrote about a few weeks ago), and the essence of a life lived in reality rather than behind the veil of fantasy and wishful thinking. It has helped a lot to study the Enneagram (ANY-a-gram) by reading these two books on the personality types. They have catapulted me into a new way of looking at myself, others, and the world around me.
Learning more about myself and others has changed my life for the better and all of my relationships have benefitted. And my writing has, as well.
My favorite author, Franciscan priest Richard Rohr, says that one of the blessings of the second half of life is that we can accept ourselves for who we are, accept others for who they are, and accept reality for what it is. (paraphrased) It doesn’t mean resigning from life or shielding ourselves from the challenges and difficulties–but rather responding with the best part of ourselves, with love and compassion for the complexities in whatever way we’re able–a kind word, a donation, a smile, a meal, a letter, a visit, a prayer and so on.
All aspects of life illustrate happy and sad, good and evil, beginnings and endings. It’s just the way it is. The more I can accept these things in myself the more I can accept them in others and begin living a “life of honesty, love, and discipline,” as Bradshaw shared in his book.
Here’s to REALITY in all its diversity and to each one of us in our many and varied and beautiful parts.
Be well, friends, and please share your thoughts on this topic–if you wish to.
“I know, my God, that you examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there.”
(1 Chronicles 29:17)
You are a wise woman.
Thank you, Janet. You’re very kind.
Amen to that Janet. Karen is a wise and a very loving compassionate friend to us all. Thank you Karen for another wonderful reality check!
I always appreciate our friendship and your support, Kathleen.
Hi Karen, What a great post. That is my goal to live with acceptance of myself and others with no criticism plus all the other pearls you shared. I’m familiar with the Enneagram personality types, but didn’t know Richard Rohr wrote a book about the traits. I will check that out. I’m in Southern CA with family now and a lot of what you wrote reminded me of the sermon I heard on Sunday. Thanks much for these wise words of wisdom
Thank you, Pam. it’s great to hear from you and that you also appreciate the writing of Richard Rohr.
I love this post Mom, keepin’ it REAL. See what I did there? 😉 I love you, -Jim
I do see what you did there, Jim–keeping it real and all. I love you too, dear son of mine. 🙂
I loved this post Karen. I agree that accepting reality in relationships and people is a sign of maturity- especially emotional and spiritual maturity. This “wishing and wanting that things were different” has been a roadblock in my life in many ways and has often left me in the slimy pit of self pity-a self destructive place to be. I’ve had many times in my life when I didn’t like the “reality” I was facing (like all of us). Most recently, it was my only daughter’s divorce after my granddaughter’s autism diagnosis. I kept crying out to God why Lord why. I would watch a young Christian couple across the street be such a cute and healthy family (from the outside anyway) and I would cry and wallow in pain of the whys and not wanting to accept reality. While I think there is a place for grieving, at some point we need to accept the reality and be at peace .A year after the divorce, I see some very good things coming from the divorce for my daughter and granddaughter- things I could only see by accepting reality. Romans 8:28 really is a complete answer to the realities that we don’t like- that God will bring GOOD from even the things that are discouraging or painful. I have many other realities that I am currently facing that are fairly painful but I need to accept them and be grateful for the Lord’s presence and the good things he has brought into my life. I am looking forward to reading Richard Rohr’s book that you recommended after I finish the biography of Tiger Woods which you recommended and I am thoroughly enjoying. Thank you for your blog. Sorry for the long response. God is using your blog to help me mature spiritually- which is not an easy task LOL!
Angela, thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. No need to apologize at all. I loved everything you wrote and I agree that Romans 8:28 is a powerful reminder that God is at work regardless of the circumstances and will always bring good out of pain.
like this blog and I like the comment that Angela wrote!>I like the things your favorite author says about the ‘second half of our life’. This blog reminds me of a “saying” I saw on a plaque a long time ago. “ah the gift if God could give us, to see ourselves as others see us.” and of course one of my ‘all time favorites’ by Abraham Lincoln which may or may NOT fit with this blog but I thought of it-ha-so you know me-I have to share it-I may not have it in the correct order? ” There is so much bad in the best of us and so much good in the worst of us that it hardly behoves any of us to talk about the rest of us”. Okay, enough from me! THANKS for a nother great blog!! LOL-lots of love NOT laugh out loud, altho that is a good thing to do-it releases stress! margaret
Hi Margaret. Another great share from you. I love that quote from Abraham Lincoln. I had heard it before and forgotten all about it. Very applicable here.
Hi Karen I am not back and look forward to your blog. It seems that somethings got lost on my laptop.
Thanks for letting me know.
Thank You Karen – I have been growing up emotionally and spiritually for a very long time. getting real and attaining wisdom is only done through my Lord Jesus Christ. Life is a journey and He is right beside us the whole time. I t has taken some time for me to recognize this.
do thank you for this blog – it is an eye opener. Bless you, Karen for who and what you are.
Joan
Glad you’re back, Joan, and I saw on FB that you moved out of La Jolla after so many years. I hope you’re closer to your daughters now. Thanks for sharing part of your journey with us. I totally ‘get’ what you’re saying. It seems a lot of our ‘growing up’ occurs when we are alone after such a long time being married. I applaud you for continuing to reach out for personal and spiritual growth. It’s not easy but it’s worth it, as far as I’ve experienced.
Thanks Karen – life is a journey. I, too, am learning to accept the reality in people and relationships. Love the scripture! Bless you!
Thank you, Janice. I appreciate your joining the conversation and sharing with us what you’re learning, as are we all, thank God.
Thank you Karen for your writing. The thoughts are so profound and lead to simplicity and peace in life. I love your article. It is very timely for me.
Thank you, Sandy. I appreciate knowing my writing blessed you.