As I care for my husband whose journey is taking him down the road of Stage 4 cancer I am realizing the importance of silence. Not an easy thing for me–a communicator both in writing and in speaking. But now that we’ve said about all there is to say to each other–all the important stuff we wanted to say before he dies, it’s time for me to focus on loving touch instead of filling the scary space with more words. So in the time remaining I’m going to give Charles kisses on the cheek, warm hugs, loving strokes and gentle pats on the back, and a hand to hold.
We can’t change what’s happening to him but we can face it together in gentle ways and I’m to take the lead. I know that.
So this year, perhaps the final of our 35 together, I want to be present in a way that words cannot match, and to pay attention to my journey in a way that will support Charles down to the last breath.
Here is a bit of wisdom from one of my favorite spiritual mentors, Father Richard Rohr, director of the Center for Action and Contemplation.
“From birth through the development of ego, the fall that can drop us into the ‘second half of life,’ the descent through suffering and grief, ever evolving us toward greater awareness of our True Self, and eventually death–we are moving toward union with God and all that is . . . if we can remember that we all came from God and are headed back to God, whatever circuitous route we take, I think it will help us be more humble and patient with each other.”
That is my goal for 2015. What is yours?